14 Sep 2007


Khabhie khabhie yuhi sochta hoon ache the who din jab shayad kuch nahin ho kar bhi khush the,choti choti batooon meain bhi khushi milti thi phir who kahin se ek rupay milne ki hoti ya phir saath milkar copy karne ki ya phir apne dost ki nayi cycle aane per ,itne khush hote the jaise khud ki cycle aayi hai .

Aur aaj, bahut kuch hai lekin khushi nahin hai , sab haste hai to hum bhi has lete hai per, per kahin mujhe pata hai ki yeh hasi khokli hai main khush nahin hoon ,shayad isliye kyoonki meri khud se umeede bahut ho gayi hai,sapne dekhne lag gaya hoon jo itne bade hai ki log has pade lekin mujhe who chaiye aur nahin milenge to dukh hoga , aur us kal ke na milne ke dar se main aaj khush nahin hoon ya phir yeh kahe ki khush nahin ho pata hoon.


Lekin kya yeh sahi hai, per isme galat kya hai ,meri mane to sapne zaroori hai ,sapne na ho to insaan kiske peeche bhagega ,aisa lagega ke railgaadi hai jiske pass station hi nahin hai , lekin bahut jyada dar bhi hai who sapne nahin milnege to kay karoonga main to toot jaoonga ,roj darta hoon aur roj khud ko samjhata hoon ki sapne mein insaan wohi dekta hai jo usey pata hai ki woh kar sakta hai….lekin phir bhi mere sapne had se bahar hai ….aap hi sochiye ek cycle ki dukaan per kaam karne wala ka kya sapna hota hai ki ek din ek garage ka maalik banega ya phir ek chai ki dukaan per kaam karne waale bache ka sapna hota hai ki ekdin uski bhi chai ki dukaan hogi lekin jab ek middle classs background wala billgates ya dhirubhai banne ki sochta hai to phir gadbad hai …lekin mere sapne hai to hai .


Har baar ki tarah phir do hin option hai ya to yeh sapne sapne hin reh jaye ya phir mein har who cheez karoon jo main in sapno ko pane ke liye kar sakta hoon ……kal yaani ki 10 20 saal baad peeche mud kar dekhoon to yeh shikayat nahin rahe ki I ddint gave my best shot………aur pata hai mujhe ki zid per aa jaaoon to khuda dhoond loonga to yeh sirf ek sapna hai….main isey kyoon nahin pa sakta .


Haar kar baithne waale dekhe hai kai,
Thak kar ruk jaane waale dekhe hai kai,
Per who birle hi hote hai jo,rakhte hai taakat
her toofan ko modne ki,
Har mushkil se ladne ki,
Aur shayad unhe hi log vijeta kehte hai.








26 dec 2007..4.30 pm






Ajeeb hai zindagi..abi do ghante pehle take ek dum akela that koi nahin tha aas pass aur ab ghar ekdum se bhar gaya…..khabie lagta hai ki tanhaai se dosti ho gayi hai mein akela reh loonga aur phir achanak poora ghar bhar jata hai …..aur jab sab chale jaate hai tp phir shuruwat se shuru karma padta hai…..ek dum us gaon ke chote railway station ki tarah jahaan railgaadi ke aane ke baaad ek toofan sa aa jata hai aur uske jaane ke baad ek dum veeran sannata.
Khair kal Christmas tha,aur shaam ke 6 baje tak yeh nahin pata tha ki kay kara hai,koi nahin tha,vishwa se subah hi mila tha ,srirag se bhi mil liya tha,chetan kerala mein that,rags bhi nahin tha,yeh nahin pata tha ki is baar kya karoonga ,baar baar pichlee baar ka Christmas yaad aa raha tha jo cindy ke ghar per banaya tha……is baar lag raha tha ki chupchap ghar per baithna padega …..aur kambakht paise bhi nahin the…..phir achanak ….i am at archie place ….i am almost 15 km away from my place….had nice drink ,nice food….and above al was not alone …….had some one to talk …laugh….sirf do the per Christmas accha ho gaya ….phir ek yaad chod gaya ..jo mere saath rahegi….abhi naye saal ka kuch plan nahin hai …kuch socha bhi nahin hai lekin mujhe pata acchanak se kuch accha ho jaayega abhi to char din khoob mehnat se kaam karna hai tabhie to party ka majaa ayega ……

Ek dum confusing si hai zindagi….aaj subah se kuch khaya nahin that chaar biscuit pade huye the khaa kar paani pee liya tha aur bhook ko maar liya tha….isliye nahin ki kuch tha nahin per aalas bhi koi cheez hai ,socha ki aise hi so jata hoon shaam ko office mein kha loonga ….lekin phir waisa hi hua jaisa hamesha hota hai yeh dono (chetana aur ds)khana lekar aagaye .

Hamesh dekha hai kam se kam apne maamle mein ki jis din jis cheez ki bilkul umeed nahin ho , aisa lagega ki aaj to who cheez ho hi nahin sakti us din pucca who cheez milegi , phir who chahe khana ho daaru ho us bichde dost ka call ho ya phir koi purana dost ho .pucca hota hai……..

Apne case mein planning karo ko hamesha gadbad ho jaati hai, pata nahin kya chahati hai zindagi ,bahut bada question mark hai jiska answer near future mein to dikhta nahin hai …aur sach kahoon to mein koshis bhi nahinkarta…jab tak chal raha hai chalne do.

Abhi to kuch doosre sawaaloon ka jawaab chaiye jo mujhe bahut jaldi jaldi dhoondna padega , jaise ki zindagi kahaan ja rahi hai,aaj se 5 saal baad mein kahaan rahoonga aise kuch sawaloon ke jawab chaiye fatafat……aur bahut koshish kar raha hoon nahin ho rah hai ,kuch dikh hi nahin raha hai , badebade sapne hai per sapne dekhne bhar se to who sach nahin ho jaate ……unko pane ke liye kuch karma bhi padta hai…..par kuch ho nahin pa raha hai….gaadi bus atak jaati hai….
Abhi taaja taaja resolution kiya hai weight ko , jo abhi 82 hai ko 65 laane ka feb29 tak…..koshish bhi jaari hai …..dekho umeed poori hai koshis bhi jaari hai…..dekho…yeh paa liya to aage bhi karne ka confidence aa jaayega….

Khud se ladkar haar gaya hoon,
Khud se roothne manane ke silsile se thak gaya hoon,
Ab zid hai zindagi se ladne ki,
Aur jitney ki,
Zindagi aa rha hoon mein…